My parts speak out — Shelly Friend
In the first blog post, I shared about a few of my parts. There are definitely times that I speak for them and there are other times they speak for themselves. I wanted to give them each an opportunity to share if they wanted to and let them speak their truths.
To my parts: If any of you want to share or not this is a safe place. I will protect you from any hurtful words. And know that you are loved no matter what. I know some of you are scared and if you don’t want to speak up you don’t have to. It’s okay to be scared, I am here for you.
Teenager — I have a lot of feelings and memories to share. I haven’t told you yet but I was raped as well. I’ve been too scared and angry to tell you but now that everyone is getting brave and telling their story I wanted to be brave too. I thought it would stop since I didn’t go see him very often but that was not the case. When I was raped It was very painful physically and emotionally. It was scary cause I couldn’t make him stop. I didn’t tell you before because I thought you wouldn’t believe me. I wanted to forget that it even happened. Thank you for believing me and letting me tell you. It’s hard to think about but I know I need to speak up so I can heal. I’ve always tried to be brave for all the younger parts, but this time they were strong and brave for me.
Shelley (age 13) We are all brave. I have always tried to be strong too but speaking up and saying that this happened to us is strong too. We were all scared and we did it anyway. I remember all of us journaling and talking about how scared we were but we did it anyway. For the first time, I felt hope that we could finally tell someone like the police that it happened. It was hard but we were all so brave. It’s still hard and scary but we are not alone and we are strong together.
Shelly (age 3) I was really scared. but mommy said we were safe. I didn’t tell the policeman but mommy did. maybe someone will be mad but mommy says we were brave. I was brave like Merida and like Pocahontas. Pocahontas showed me her brave warrior pose and I can do it. all my sisters were with me so I wasn’t alone.
Shelly Friend (age 5) I’m scared to talk. I feel like I wanna cry. he told us if we told anyone he would hurt us. So I’m scared that he will hurt us. Will he find where we live and come to get us? I’m scared.
I hear all of you and all of your feelings are important to me. I always take all of your feelings into consideration before I make any decisions and this was no different. We were all scared and yet we were also brave. We are safe and he can’t hurt us anymore. We are no longer in that trauma and we live in a loving and safe home. It was very hard to talk about and we may have to do it again but only when you are ready. In fact, if we have to give details again I will speak for you and I will protect you from having to relive those horrible memories.
I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN SO BRAVE AND SO STRONG FOR SO LONG. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND ALWAYS DOING YOUR BEST. NOW YOU GET TO REST AND BE 100% YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND YOU ARE LOVED EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE.
For my readers: I ask that you be gentle and take extra care for any comments or texts. My parts have been super brave to share and I’m so proud of them. This has been a difficult journey but I have learned how to be there for all my parts and allow space for all of their feelings. Thank you for your support and for reading what they all wanted to share. I am feeling so strong in sharing our story, it’s not only healing to me but to my ancestors, other victims, and to the world. Wherever it goes I know it’s my truth, our truth, and we share to heal ourselves and others.
Originally published at https://shellyfriend.com on February 12, 2021.
